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History! 2010!

The line that moves at an average of 5 people per 30 minutes. If there was fire, we would all be suffocated then dead in minutes.

To qualify lang, I was not able to vote the past elections for two reasons: a) I was previously registered at my hometown province (and I studied/live/work here in Manila), b) I was out of the country every time there is an election.  The whole time, I diligently pay my real estate and income tax.  So yun, on all days I live in this country, I have every right to comment on how it is being governed haha! Tulad now. 

I made my decision at 2:00AM Monday morning on who to vote, I had 1 President, 1 Vice President, 5 senators, and I plan to just going to interview my queue-mates on who to vote for on the local positions. I no longer live in Makati but still paying tax there so I want to make sure the future of this city is more influenced by the people living there.

I woke up at 6:30AM and arrived at Pio del Pilar Elementary School around 8:00AM. I was out of the school at 12:35PM, after 4.5 hours of queue-ing. Hmm...what else did I do there...my initial plan was just to vote and make my day fulfilled, but I ended up as an unwanted pila-bantay, haha! I hate the whole process because there is no process. There are no people telling us where to go, where the line is to get to our rooms so we can vote. And given that there is no process, do I expect us Filipinos to discipline ourselves to just queue up? Hell, no. So there's this huge line to all rooms, and then there's this chaos on the other.  Seriously!

So my control-freak self could no longer endure this shit.  I was with 2 other fellow voters, standing as guard on the queue.  As in, we were manning the pila, making sure no one made singit and explaining to every Makati residents trying the usual, "titingnan ko lang po sa taas.." with "wala po kayong makikita duon, sobrang masikip po duon, pila po tayo sa likod."

Sometimes I wonder how I just wanted to be a voter and I ended up as a pila-watcher.

"Bakit mo ako ayaw papasukin?"

"Pila po kasi, wala pong singitan"

And with all this, after every conversation with the principal, with every teacher that passed my way, with every person carrying an ID, I realized why the president who will win this and the other executive positions, will not be the solution to all of our issues. It has to start with us.

• Kung pedeng makasingit, sisingit. We only think of ourselves. Conversation with a senior citizen, a mom, who speaks English to me.  I was next in line at the doorway of the room to vote. She was on the opposite line, the next senior citizen to vote. I was explaining my dissatisfaction about the process to the bantay and to the teacher. The mom told me, "There's nothing we can do, wag ka na magreklamo. Walang ring mangyayari. You should be glad you're next in line now".  Appalled, I told her,  "Okay po ako ngayon, after 4.5 hours andito na ako. Pero paano po yung mga tao sa likod natin?"  She kept quiet.  We only think of ourselves and we are too tolerant and too quiet to raise what does not work.

• There is no accountability. We always think we are victims and put the blame on someone else. When I kept asking, mind you, asking and not even complaining, if we can have a separate room to accommodate the precinct 443X and 444X (It has 950 registered voters, compared to other rooms which accommodates only 750 registered voters),  Some voter on the queue stormed in, ranting already why it's taking so long for this room to process, as the line does not move at all.  "Naintindihan ko po na civic duty natin lahat to, kayo magbantay, kami bumoto, pero po, aabutin po tayo ng gabi dito if ganito ang pagproseso natin".  After the guy walked out, here goes the staff in the room: "Eh bakit ba kayo nagrereklamo samin, wala po kami may hawak dito, ang COMELEC, sa COMELEC kayo magreklamo."  So whatever suggestions, however I explained it to the principal, she just smiled at me with a blank face. I thanked them and could understand their frustration. But seriously, here's my stand. Someone has got to take charge on-site to fix this mess at every precinct.

• Sometimes I wonder if we are made to be blind to inefficiencies. I stepped into the room and I already see what we can do to make it faster and it doesn't take a genius to  know it. Even my queue-mate saw it. Even two people down the line saw it. And what's worse, while already putting a thumbmark, a teacher said, "Di ko nga alam bakit tayo daw may issue, eh mukhang maayos naman dito." I could not help but remark, "Ma'am, baka pede nyo na kunin ng ID ng katabi ko para ma-check ni Tita dyan sa listahan, kesa maghintay tayo matapos ako."  I love the teachers, but I think, we maybe not training them enough for this.

• I don't know how to describe this conversation and I'll leave it as it is, my conversation inside the voting booth with a teacher.

Moi: Tita, so saan po ba pede i-report to, kasi po aabutin tayo ng gabi dito. Marami na po ang nag-give up, ayaw na bumoto.

Teacher: Bakit mo irereklamo?

Moi: Kulang po kasi ng staff, tingnan nyo, dalawang tao lang yung nag-poprocess and 950 registered voters po dito.  Wala ng magawa ang principal nyo.

Teacher: Bakit ka magrereklamo, masama ba silang tao? Ginagawa naman nila ang dapat gawin ah!

If I could roll my eyes. This is so typical Filipino. We take everything personally. "Tita, hindi ko po sinasabi masama ang mga tao. Sinasabi ko po, di po tama ang proseso, at ang staffing. Yun po ang irereklamo natin."

You know what's a little bit sad? My queue-mate has voted at this precinct at this exact same room for 4 elections. She told me, this is her worst experience ever. Previously it just took her 30 minutes to vote. Now, almost 5 hours for her. Here are my humble suggestions:

• Assign someone who could boss around the poll-watchers, volunteers of COMELEC at every precinct -- assign a leader, assign the principal, assign some power and responsibility on how to manage the election, what the hell, assign a project manager.  The poll-watchers were not exhausted enough, they all flocked to the voting assistance center, which was so overstaffed. I mean, an answer like, "Tanong nyo po sa COMELEC sa headquarters" is not sustainable, nor feasible on the day of the election when voters are already queue-ing up. Get orders from one person on-site and that person better know who are the staff. 
• As voters, prepare. Have a codigo. Does it take 5 minutes really to color per position? Seriously? I'm not talking about senior citizens. For senior folks, provide assistance. 
• On those logistics stuff for the voters, listahan and numbers, put it outside. Not on the hallways.  It's a disaster waiting to happen.
• Anticipate the number, if there are 950 registered voters, imagine a scenario when they come in early in the morning. Do we have enough staff to manage this? How would that look like? Put in markers, "this way please to room XXX" "For precinct 443, the line starts here".
• Maximize the waiting. While inside the room, people are made to wait by sitting on the chairs. Why not bring the papers to sign and thumbs to mark to them? I could better draw this suggestion. 
• A huge question: Why did COMELEC decrease the precincts from 300,000 to 76,000? May population implosion ba?

On the upside, I am happy and proud of my fellow Pinoy voters, at least the people I interacted with today. We shared our candidates and I'm happy most of them don't get swayed by popularity nor of surveys, nor of bloc-voting choices (where whole family votes for same person, for sheer reason of just following).  I asked them why they vote these people, and they specifically told me the reasons. Amazing. I love intelligent voters. There is hope for this country.

I am infinitely proud I exercise my voting rights today. I almost gave up. As a first-time voter, it was the most tiring and frustrating yet the most fulfilling. 

12MN Deadline: Who's My President?

It's my first time to vote this Monday and I'm excited.  I'm not prepared but I'm excited.  I still have no decision on the presidency but I already have one for the vice presidency. I'm a blind woman on the senatorial list, and I'm still hoping to meet my deadline by 12 midnight.  I want to be the first at my precinct to vote - and guess what, I have no sunblock for tomorrow.

I've been reading platforms and watching videos of debates for the past hour and I'm disappointed with the lack of online documentation.  The platforms here are more biographies and profiles -- do you vote only for credentials of the past? I don't. I need a vision. I need a site that lists point by point what our candidates are going to do with critical issues of my country - and I need to know how they are going to do it.

This truly is testing my much-acclaimed (self-acclaimed) research skills - any case, I'll be voting based on who I think is perfect, not so much if he is going to win (the pronoun there - now you know I eliminated Jamby ;)). If only I can find those platforms...

A Tale of A Toe With A Beating Heart

My toe is throbbing like it has a heart of its own. The nail of my toe bumped (I would like to believe by itself) on the wooden sofa leg and it hurts like hell. It's been 3 hours already. I wish a new nail would come out. That would be fun. New year, new nail. Salons should use this as a slogan for this month.

I'll write some resolutions because at this point in time, I'm finding it hard to stay loving when all I want is to smack some person in the face for being so rudely unaware of their rudeness. Instead all I can do best is throw off dagger looks that look like zoolander's facial expression gone berserk. It doesn't scare, it doesn't intimidate and it confuses everyone. Galit daw ba ako. Ah, yes, yes and yes! 

Please send me some positive thoughts, and a wish for good facial muscles to pull off a fierce dagger look next time. Sweet heavens, I wish that for all of us, so we have a better way of communicating our feelings. Better facial muscles for everyone!

Let's get on with my therapy for the meantime, Hardest-But-Will-Be-Done Resolutions for 2010:

1. Stop with the easy way out. Not gonna happen this year.  The more complicated the heist, the better for deathbed memories.
2. Start with "exposing vulnerabilities". The quoted phrase I got that from some newspaper. Because in order to connect with people, they have to get something from me, whether I'm willing to give it or not. (That doesn't make sense...I guess I really have to give it).
3. Be more on the giving end, to be generous of my time, my resources, my life and last but not the least, my shit, which I will save for my friends. Me-time is over. And seriously, to not expect anything in return. No expectations, zilch-o, squasho! Forget when you give, that's a good motto for me.

With my throbbing toe, I toast to you all who made your own resolutions, I think the intent of just being open to change can move worlds already. I hope it can also stop toes from throbbing, sakit talaga. 

p.s. also please send me some bravura of chutzpah as I fix this shit I'm in (see reason of dagger looks above) of which I started in the first place, god, it's so messy being human.

Jackals of Freedom

I just finished reading Confessions of an Economic Hit Man which brought my total number of books read for the year, to a (pathetic) 5. I finished the book a week ago, latter half of it I finished while sitting at the dingy Land Transportation Office over at San Juan, waiting for my driver's license which I lost days back. The book was about the true-to-life confessions of an economist, working for an international firm that aims to help developing countries by convincing them great return of investments if they accept loans from World bank or some US-led financing institutions in order to build their economy and infrastructure.  By having third world countries indebted, United States will have a considerable amount of control on whatever that will benefit Uncle Sam -- natural resources, military cooperation, etc. Yes, political controversy - one of the things I'm always disinterested in.

The book reeks of conspiratorial tones and 80% of it is about John Perkins battling his conscience -- I guess it was not named "Confessions" for nothing. It was riveting but at the end of it, I felt the book was more to ease him of his guilt, more than a well-researched investigative type of tell-all book.  Oh I guess again, it was not named "Confessions" for nothing. Dette, I need a discussion group :).

For what it's worth, it wasn't John Perkins that get me, it was his story about this leader Omar Torrijos, Panama's revolutionary leader who fought for the sovereignty of his people and their rights, who claimed back the Panama Canal from the United States, who stood against United States meddling policies and yet insisted that by  disagreeing with United States policies, it does not mean having to turn our backs against them. It does not mean having to hate everything they do. It does not mean we should sow hate, but more still creating that opportunity on which we could work together.

And now this is the part I will go off-tangent and I'm happy I read this book if only for this realization : Maybe it's not creating factions in the hope of trampling the other side, that will unite us, it's not getting supporters to believe in our ideologies, it may  no longer be in the violent rallies we stage, or in protests vocalized in megaphones (because I no longer listen to those and sadly I think it's not just me). That by disagreeing with someone, it does not mean we wage war against them. With my lack of knowledge of how government and how politics work, I'm thinking now maybe diplomacy is just a part of it --  that will enable us to work together. It is sincerity to whatever cause you believe in. While browsing through information on the sites, I have no doubt in my mind that Omar was dedicated in building his country, in helping the poor and the middle class at the same time in opening its doors to refugees.  If he had wanted power, he could have easily succumbed to U.S.'s demands but he didn't, risking his life in the process (insert: consipiratorial undertones).

I don't really have much knowledge about how all this works. But I also feel that the reasons why I'm not involved it's because it did not tap me in a way that would inspire me to do anything. It's those kind of leaders like Omar or Barack that get me, not their politics, but on the way they lead, it's based on hope, on finding solutions that work on both sides, not on one other way alone. Omar may not have wanted to go an all-out war with America like how Russia and other countries did it, because he didn't think that would solve the problem of reform, of resolving differences. In the end, he gave the Panama Canal back to his people.  Barack started his campaign grass-roots style with nothing, writing a book that would inspire millions, yes, inspiring straight to the masses, and through-out the election, it was the people that mobilized his campaign and in the end, he won the presidential election.  Their solutions are not out of the ordinary yet exemplary, intelligent, creative and always based on positive reinforcement.

[By the way, in the the spirit of obamania I'm currently in, have you checked this out: Change.gov - Office of the President-Elect. This is really why I love Obama and not because this geek loves The Wire, but because he exploits technology to full use and does not underestimate the need for the people to know and understand the issues. Do you know that he did podcasts while he was still in the Senate?]. 

I appreciate the book, I do. It probably helped that I was sitting in a government office at that time and they're making me wait for 4 hours. Hmmph.

we're with you.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
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Repost this if you believe homophobia or violence of any kind is wrong. via Anto and Cris without an H.

 

SONA today.

I was watching YSpeak! last night and the topic was whether President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo passed or failed on economic, political and social matters of our country.  Appropriately enough, today will be the State of the  Nation address of PGMA, and here's what I'm pissed about the show.  Why was Imee Marcos spewing criticisms about the government, on why all Filipinos are 'baon with utang' right now, and why Gloria's camp is all about corruption? Everyone has a right to oppose the government, but my God, the kind of corrupt government we have now is the kind of government her father founded, built, started! Imee Marcos of the Marcos Swiss Bank Account! How dare she point fingers.

I am not really keen on politics, I don't even know the details behind this tapes and Garci, I just hate her so much last night. I thought she had her father's articulacy, but she was all noise last night. Kapal ng mukha lang ata nakuha nya kay Ferdinand Marcos. The congressman on the pro-side (I forgot the name, anyone who has seen the show please tell!) best said this: If you're going to criticize the government, if you're going to oppose its plans, its current programs, it would best help the country if you can present alternatives. 

I am so blurred on where I stand with this controversy.  I'm still thinking about it.  I was about to jump into apathy, but really, no matter how we loathe the government, no matter how we detest the corrupt, holier-than-thou politicians, no matter how we say we don't care anymore, deep down, I don't think we are even ever capable of giving up on our own country. It's just not in our genes.

There are many things we do not want about the world. Let us not just mourn them. Let us change them. - Ferdinand Marcos

Walang iwanan.

Some people say we should vote with our heads. GMA and Poe are leading the presidential race and others are lagging behind so the survey says. In the fervent wish not to let Poe lead the land, people are going to vote for GMA. 'Wag lang talaga si Poe.' And so many of the Lacson and Roco votes will be transfered to GMA, many will vote for a reason that they do not want this someone to lead the country not for a reason that they want this someone to lead the country.

A wacky suggestion: Stop this reference to surveys. Assume you don't know who's leading. Who do you think best to lead this country? Make it personal, make it YOUR choice and not somebody's choice. Make it patriotic, make it a choice that you think in your heart of hearts will make this country better. Make your vote pure and not sold. Make a choice that at the end of election day you're choice is not out of desperation, not out of settling for mediocrity. And then the last step: be apathetic about who wins at the same time be vigilant afterwards (is this possible at all?). Fuck the results. We can all go back to the streets again for EDSA #infinitum anyway. For a more sensible voice, listen to De Quiros.

I'm so suddenly weirdly idealistic about this election because I am moved by the faith of Erwin, a surprisingly La Sallian idealist (I will be mutilated for this description slash discrimination haha!) To paraphrase the guy, in English na lang, lalim magTagalog ng taong to!:

This is the current mentality: I will vote for GMA because I do not want Poe to win. It's not like you have lost all the options. The options have been there at the start and still there unless some option says, 'I'm backing out.' [More but you have to be there to hear it]

He was very eloquent with his thoughts, very firm, could make you raise your fist in the air. Reason for intimidating eloquence: under the influence of alcohol that time :). Another wacky suggestion: drink before voting.

Then vote with your pinoy heart in the right places, Philippine flag waving in the background, cue music, '...ang mamatay ng dahil sa yoooo...'

Good luck Philippines! Stay positive!

Poncho For The Holidays.

I am, weirdly enough, looking for ponchos this season. I first saw this clothing on Native American Indians, but only in pictures and it looked comfortable and especially good during winter, as I was living then in a 4-season country. Years later I saw Sarah Jessica sporting it in her hit show Sex And The City, where she made the poncho look so much sassier and sexier. Right now I am setting this as my goal, finding that poncho, the perfect one that's screaming my name waiting to huddle me inside its triangular embrace. I want to find it, and if anyone can tell me where it is, my poncho and I give you my jungle, my tribe, and all the officers in it. Thank you for any leads. :)
For more pictures:
black poncho with fringes
multicolored poncho
mexican poncho
hooded poncho
baby ponchos

My short skirt, believe it or not, has nothing to do with you.

I was held in a room full of women. The police came, and gestured for me to come. A policeman made me take off my clothes and he found a note that I was hiding in my underwear on which I had my husband's phone number in Switzerland. He tore up the note and started swearing at me. I went back to the group of women and the same policeman came back and said, 'Come here.' He took me far away from the other women and did whatever he wanted with me.

- Refugee from Kosovo, interviewed by Human Rights Watch in Kukes Refugee Camp, Albania, April 28, 1999. Sourced here.

Do not be surprised to know that the human rights of a woman is violated not only in a condominium in Taguig, and not only this week, it is happening around the world, everyday.

Tear down this code of silence and repression.